Lost Document found on Craigslist

This came across my digital desk today. I immediately recognized as a “long lost document”, a set of guidelines that every musician I’ve ever worked with knows (and could recite under their breath). Profound in their simplicity, forgotten, yet remembered, unspoken, and not often enough acted upon…

I hereby present to you the Sideman’s Bill OF Rights. Authorship in this case is claimed by someone calling themselves “Mudd”. I make no claims. Enjoy.  🙂

Side man bill of rights

If the gig pays :

Less than $ 100
No dress code, show up if you feel like it, no need to call with an excuse. play whatever you feel like. get drunk if you feel like it, make an ass out of yourself , go ahead and argue with other band members if you feel like it. Get a dwi on the way home if you feel like it.

$ 100 level
Dress in casual black. Try to show up. If you can’t make it, call and explain why. Play songs to the best of your ability. You can get drunk and argue with band mates but do it with some respect to others in the club.

$ 200 level
Dress in casual black have a black sports jacket available. this is a must show situation you’ll have to be home with a serious illness to get out of this. Play songs to best of ability. Get drunk but no arguing with band mates.

$ 300 level
Dress all black with black or white shirt and black sports jacket. Must show. Play songs to best of ability. Get drunk but don’t let anybody see that you are drunk.

$ 500 level
Full dress jacket and tie. Must show irregardless of health. play songs to the best of ability Get drunk but don’t let it show. Be available to learn one new song. Show up early. and offer to help others with equipment. compliment others in the band, and be gracious and accepting compliments of others.

$ 1,000 level
Dress however your told. If you are dead send your son to do the gig. Play songs better than you thought yourself capable of. Get drunk but don’t let anyone know. Do anything that the band wants you to do and smile. and know every song that was ever written in case of requests. Know all your bandmate’s birthdays and their mother’s, father’s, brothers and sisters names birthdays and hobbys. Be on call and be prepared to converse with whoever wants to talk. Watch the clock so that you know when the break is over.  Compliment the venue, the weather and the sound irregardless of their condition.